That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
