She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
