plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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