Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
