Got a toothbrush?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You dont lie about slip and slides
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
