Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
