What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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