You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
