i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
