ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
