i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Randomize
