hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
