Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
