just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think a kid would responsible me up
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
