seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
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Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
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He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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