She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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