problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
