I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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