What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
