i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
