Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
