There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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