I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
