Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
