On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
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Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
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I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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