At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I love you.
Bad choice
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize