genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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