I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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