My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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