The maid of honor just puked.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
