Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
