another moral hangover. fuck.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
