I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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