I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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