Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
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