so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You can't just leave with hair like that
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
