There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
