Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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