Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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