He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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