im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
