woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
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The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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