I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
