im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
