i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
