In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
