I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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