I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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