piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
