I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
