The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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