Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
