my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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