You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
