Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i need an iv and a liver transplant
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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