He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
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Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
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You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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