so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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