how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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