hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
