I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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