Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
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I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We left the knife in your bed.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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