I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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