My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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