i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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