Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Someone signed my nipple.
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