I think I died a long time ago.
You can't special order awesome
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
