she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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