Please, let me fuck your mom
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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